Falling Snow
by Willow in the Shadows
Summary: A story about a young warrior, his mate, her death, and his guilt. A oneshot.


Amberleaf. The one I loved. The one cat who truly knew who I was inside, and the one cat who received my attention and care.

She was perfect. Her laugh, her pawsteps, her sleek ginger fur that _I_ had the privilege to lick smooth. I'd like to think that I was her match, her soulmate even in StarClan and beyond. She would remain with me forever, and I would remain with her forever too.

"Amberleaf, do you want to go hu-"

A ragged bout of coughing cut off my words. I jumped and realized that Amberleaf was trembling, and her fur was caked with snow from the blizzard last night. Her usually bright amber eyes were now dull.

"Are you okay?" I asked. Amberleaf hissed as I stepped forward. Another cough hacked her throat and she shook violently.

"Are you okay?" I asked again, my voice giving away to fear. To me, she didn't look fine _at all._ StarClan, what happened to her?

"I'm fine," Amberleaf insisted tiredly. "I just need a quick nap, and I'll be fine, trust me."

"Okay." I said, unconvinced. _She'll be fine,_ I told myself. _She just needs a break from standing in a blizzard all night, guarding the camp. This just proves how loyal and determined she is!_ But I didn't really believe my words. At all.

As Amberleaf unsteadily placed a paw in front of her, she swayed and barely gained her balance again. I kept a close watch on her from across the camp. As I watched her agonizing pace, other cats looked up and noticed too. In less than a heartbeat, she was the center of attention for the camp.

And then I heard a _thump_ vibrating in my paws. I swiveled my head and there, Amberleaf was a collapsed lump of pale ginger fur and sharp silver claws.

"Amberleaf!" I cried desperately, sprinting up to her as fast as my legs could carry me. "Amberleaf," I repeated, "Are you okay?! Answer me!" No response.

I lifted my head towards the medicine cat den and yowled, "Finchtail! Amberleaf's not responding!" A few moments later, the medicine cat emerged from the den with some leaves and moss in her jaws.

"Tigerwhisker, go soak this moss in this water," Finchtail ordered with clear authority. "And for you, keep her warm by curling your body around hers. The snow from last night really made her sick." She pried open Amberleaf's jaws and stuffed in what I recognized as tansy, feverfew, and catmint.

Thousands of questions erupted from my mouth. "Will she survive? What will happen? How is her condition? Is it serious?"

Finchtail looked up with her dark gaze. "Slowly ask. First of all, she currently has greencough and a fever. Secondly, I... I don't know if she'll survive." Her gaze dropped to her paws.

My heart plummeted like a stone. The _medicine cat_ didn't know if Amberleaf was going to survive?

"We just have to wait and see." I nodded and fiercely wrapped my body around my love. Her fur was damp and cold, from the snow. I leaned to whisper into her ear.

"StarClan, please let her survive."

"She's not going to make it."

"WHAT!?" I screeched. My love was going to die. And leave me. " _Why_?" I whispered, heartbroken. " _Why_ is life so evil to me?" All my hopes, all my dreams, were crushed.

"I'm sorry. I tried my best." Finchtail was slumped over, and her eyes were clouded over with grief. "You can go see her right now." She left out the words, "before she dies."

I quickly rushed over to the shaded clump of ferns Amberleaf was miserably curled in. _Her deathbed,_ I thought sadly.

"Amberleaf?" I whispered softly, trying to keep the grief out of my voice, but it was too late. It spilled into my words, staining it with misery.

My love attempted to raise her head, but failed. "Snowblaze?" She croaked.

"I'm here," I answered. I wanted this moment to last forever, to capture the last time I would ever see her alive until I joined StarClan.

Amberleaf's namesake amber eyes shimmered faintly. "I just want you to know that I love you more than you know. Keep that in your heart. One day, we'll meet again in StarClan. Goodbye, my love." She fell back and the light in her eyes faded away.

"NO!" I shrieked in agony. I crouched down to catch my breath. My world was gone.

"It's time to hold a mourning for Amberleaf," rang out the voice of my leader, Ryestar. I stepped out of the shadows to raise my head to stare at the starlit sky where Amberleaf was now, watching me.

 _ **ONE MOON LATER...**_

"I'm bored!" Mousekit squeaked to his sister Mintkit. I watched the kits bump into each other and fall down playfully.

Dropletflower, their mother, padded over to the littermates. "Don't hurt each other," she mewed. "Do you want to hear a story instead?"

The kits bounced up in joy. "Yes!" They shouted.

I still missed Amberleaf, and there was a hole in my heart that not even StarClan could repair. We never got the chance to become formal mates and have kits. And well, Ryestar gave me a one-moon break to rest from the grief of losing Amberleaf. Watching these kits was my everyday must-do.

Meanwhile, Dropletflower's kits were arguing about what story to hear.

"I want to hear about what happened to what's-her-name-again, oh, Amberleaf!" Mousekit suggested. Dropletflower cast a look at me, as if to ask if she should. I nodded tiredly.

The queen told the story, and the kits listened to every single bit. When she was done, Mintkit piped up, "I want to act the story out! And Snowblaze can help since the snow killed Amberleaf, and Snowblaze's name has 'snow' in it!

I felt like I was struck with the shock of the realization. That was right. My name was Snowblaze, and snow killed Amberleaf. Ice slid down my spine as I discovered the roots of my horror. I didn't belong with Amberleaf. I didn't deserve Amberleaf. I _killed_ Amberleaf.

I sprang up, and ran out of camp to the nearest stream. My flanks were heaving and I paused for breath. I knew what I needed to do. I unsheathed my claws, and held them at my throat. And then I plunged them in. I screamed, but I knew it was worth it. I deserved it for killing Amberleaf.

In the next moment, I found myself in a starry meadow. A sleek ginger she-cat with familiar amber eyes stared at me with horror.

"This is too early, Snowblaze! You - you killed yourself! I never m - meant for this! Please!" She cried out.

I rethought my plans. They were still logical.

"I'm sorry, Amberleaf, but I don't deserve you. What I deserve is forever death. Sorry." Without a moment's hesitation, I slashed my lethally sharp claws across my throat for the second time. Blood poured endlessly from my neck, and I began to fade away.

Amberleaf's eyes were wide and pained. "Snowblaze, why?" That was the last thing I heard before I plunged into darkness forever, thinking the answer: _I killed you._

 _The End_

 **This is Silverdream here! It's my first fanfiction, and please review! I hope you enjoyed this oneshot!**


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